Riverdale – Death at a Riverdale Funeral??  (3/22/2022)

Riverdale what am I supposed to believe about you?  First we visit your alternate universe with the great Chocolate Shoppe in the sky.  We return to Riverdale and find the nuances of Rivervale seeping into the characters in their normal world.  Oh, and let’s not forget!  Now it looks like Veronica has inherited much of her mobster’s dad power as she ordered a hit on dear old dad which happened.  Her sister, Hermrosa has a hit out of Veronica.  Just what I don’t want?  More mob!  Archie and Betty with now have superpowers, and Jughead is deaf.  Oh, and don’t forget!  Cheryl is now Abigail who wants revenge on Archie, Betty, and Jug’s forefathers. What else do you have in store for us?  Will deaths come in threes.

Tonight, I’m just going to tell the story as it happens (with later combinations).  We need to see interactions this week. 

To begin with Jughead is back as narrator tonight.  He’s talking but he can’t seem to write anything.  He’s is use to hearing music and the typewriter keyboard as the writes.  Archie is literally rebuilding the home place and Betty’s getting use to her position and superpower.  Betty does send Archie to “talk” (write) to Jughead and figure out what’s going on.  Now don’t laugh.  I know many think Archie’s dumb but he did almost finish high school.  Ronnie has confessed the hit to Reggie (who actually is upset about this) and announces that the memorial service will be held in Riverdale.  Meanwhile, Cheryl/Abigail’s new style has Britta worried (I guess so – that collar is much too dramatic for even Cheryl) and Nana admits that Cheryl as we know her exist no more due to Abigail’s transfer into her body.  Nana wants the town back in the Blossom control and they must attend the Council of Four meeting.  Okay – how do we address Cheryl now that she is Abigail.  Shall we call her Cheragail?   I’ll just call her Cheryl for now.

So how did Hiram die?  Apparently, he was found in a shallow grave in New Jersey with his hands tied, four bullets in his head and his body burned.  Ron’s grandmother and a mystery man arrives.  Her grandmother wants Ron to deliver the eulogy.  At the Chocolate Shop, we learn that Kevin is staying in town to help with the baby and takes his dad up on the deputy job that had been offered.  (Question:  Will he be like Barney Fife of Andy Griffith fame and not be allowed to carry a bullet except in his pocket?)  Meanwhile, Betty is back working when she gets a call that Glenn has gone “missing in action”.  (And the new mystery is set.  Oh, the possibilities that all this presents.  I can see Kevin accidentally shooting his father’s tires out as he chases the Trash Bag Killer.)

Let’s not forget Jughead and Tabita.  They are writing notes about his hearing loss.  He can get implants in six months.  Meanwhile at FBI Riverdale, Betty has a headache and gets a present.  It turns out to be from the Trash Can Killer and contains a body part (from Glenn).  And we have the Trash Bag Killer looking so much like the Black Hood Killer.  He’s also obsessed with Betty?  Could Hal be back?

Ten minutes in and two potential deaths?  Is that a new record for this show?  Or do we count Hiram’s death as last week when the hit’s success was announced?

Council Four Meeting looks interesting as Cheryl and Nana watch from the balcony.  Archie gets his dumpsters approved.  Ronnie tells all that Hiram is dead and a memorial service will be held.  And lo and behold, Percival introduces himself and Cheryl realizes that they are related somehow.  Percival announces that he wants to make the town of Riverdale a success.  Toni is late arriving, but Cheryl immediately recognizes her a Thomasina.  So, who is missing?  Jughead!  He didn’t come because he doesn’t want anyone to pity him.  Oh, and Archie finally realizes he has forgotten Ron.  They talk about Hiram.  Isn’t that nice of him?  He remembers his ex-lover from just a few weeks ago.  Both of them moved on quickly, didn’t they?

Betty object is to catch the Trash Can Killer and Alice will help.  Meanwhile Jughead shows that he has taken up Archie’s screw-up ways by riding his motorcycle which gets him a lecture (read dirty looks) from Tabita. 

As the workers start repairs at Archie’s, one worker finds the mystery substance, palladium.  Archie offers it to the worker who tells Archie to keep it.  Alice provides a meal and Archie forgets himself and drinks extremely hot coffee.  He covers it but Uncle Frank notices.  Meanwhile, Cheryl finds a way to see Toni and offers to adopt Britta.  While Cheryl wants a meeting that night, Toni is at the White Wrym and can’t meet.  Later at the bar, Cheryl has a flashback to Abigail’s old life when Fangs enters to talk to Toni about the baby.  Vision time which sends Cheryl into a downward spiral made worse when Nana tells her to forget the “Serpent scum” and concentrate on getting Riverdale back.  Cheryl doesn’t take that kindly and Nana finds herself locked up downstairs with a death threat hanging over her head.  Cheryl wants revenge on the town, but she wants Toni more.  Fangs has to be dealt with and Toni must come back to Abigail.

And poor old Ron has a new problem.  Her mom, Hermione, has arrived complete with a camera crew to film a story around Hiram’s death and funeral for her show, The Real Housewives of New York.  I guess that is still her show, but she must have become the star.   Veronica agrees to the filming and later hosts a dinner party for Hermione and Kevin (because of his love of New York).  Will Kevin start his own show?  I think they could call it “The Weird Adventures of Riverdale.”  Back to the story.  Hermione tells Ronnie she has no tears to shed for Hiram now.  Ronnie clears the room and confesses to mom.  They may have just had their first mother/daughter talk as Hermione tells Ronnie that she knew Hiram would die.  It was only a matter of time.  She’s not upset at what happened (you know Ron’s hit) and it was all part of Hiram and Ron’s father/daughter relationship.  Hiram wanted Ron’s attention leaving Hermione out.  They decide to work on their relationship with Ron promising to be a good daughter.  They also film the scene for Hermione’s show (without the mention of a hit, of course).

Archie accident and his power seems to be weakening.  Betty mentions her migraine.  Seems the two powers are tied together, and it is muted by the palladium (think kryptonite folks).  Later, at the house, Archie goes upstairs and gets a surprise.  Someone has tampered with the floor, and he falls through the ceiling and is hurt due to palladium on the floor.  He is dragged from the room due to the losing his power from the palladium.  Okay, it’s his kryptonite—we get it!  I don’t think he’s Superman.  CW has a show on that already. 

Betty is napping on the couch when she gets a visit from the Trash Bag Killer.  He smooths her face calling her “sweet Betty” and she wakes.  He got in with Glenn’s card and wants her to drop Archie or he will be next (can we say fixation?).  Betty does get a call from someone who has seen the wanted poster and told to come down to scum street.  Betty finds a man with a trash bag mask who tells her to look in the trash can where Glenn’s arm is.  At the house, Archie wakes to find himself tied up.  The Trash Bag Killer is going to enjoy hurting him so Betty will be his.  As he prepares a power drill to use on Archie, Alice comes in returning Bingo, the dog.  The dog comes upstairs, surprises Trash Bag so he falls out the window but by the time Betty gets there he’s gone.  The FBI has found a dismembered Glenn (so another murder).

Jughead has a meeting with a counsellor named Daniel.  Daniel leaves Jug in a room to write for five hours but Jughead has nothing to show him at the end of the time.  Daniel then gives him a comic book.  Jughead reads it and finally gets his voice (writing) back.  He creates a graphic novel and Daniel is proud.  Tabita is happy too as now Jughead can feel purpose in his life.

As the funeral attendees gather, Hiram’s killer arrives to see Ron.  She tells him he has his blood money but he is there for a new purpose – more money for her death.  As he starts toward her to strangle her, her grandmother’s bodyguard comes in and shots him in the back.  Hermrosa had hired the killer and grandmother had heard and made other arrangements.  At Hiram’s funeral, the only old friend of Ron’s who is there is Reggie.  During the eulogy, Ron says she won’t be sentimental.  She admits her dad has done many horrible things but also some good things (like covering Fred’s funeral).  She apologizes for the horrible things he has done.  While she forgives, she can’t forget but she will always love her daddykins.  As Hermione leaves, Ron agrees to Thanksgiving with her.  Reggie is waiting but they are interrupted by the bodyguard as they start to kiss (they’re together again, how sweet?)  She’s given Hiram’s personal effects which include the rum business and a tape recording of his hopes and love for her (and we get a salute to Hiram).  Does this mean that Hiram is really dead In soap terms, we didn’t see the body?

So, where does that leave us?  Archie knows what can cause his skills (and Betty’s also) to disappear and must be careful.  Betty says she must leave town so the Trash Bag Killer will leave also.  With the way this man has lives, I wonder if it is Hal come back to live (again).  Cheryl sees (was that really herself) knocking on a window and breaks it.  Wait, Nana said Cheryl was no more – only nothingness.  And Jughead – well suddenly, he begins to hear again.  Does his hearing have a power tied to the palladium that everyone wants?

Next week

We get Percival and his story starting.  And did I hear right.  A battle for the town’s soul?  I told you last week that Percival had ties to the devil, didn’t I?  And I don’t have spoilers just an English degree.  That also leaves me with this question:  should we appear for another visit from Sabrina.  As far as I can tell, she’s the only one who can bring Cheryl back.  And the palladium?  Why Archie?

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